MeToo? Part 2
That latest MeToo? post was written back in February and a lot has happen since then. I am glad we are in the midst of this Supreme Court nomination because Brett Kavanaugh's situation gives me a little perspective.
So when I was in 5th grade, I kissed a girl...now she didn't want to be kissed by me and she wasn't even aware that I wanted to kiss her. I was so infatuated with this girl that one day after school, I was walking with her and when I saw my opening, I kissed her on the cheek and ran. It was innocent enough in 5th grade but it would not be the end of my "growth". In 8th grade, there was an incident when a girl wore what I thought was a very nice dress to school and we were friends....well friendly...so when I saw my opening, I touched her behind. She moved away from my hand quickly and I remember feeling so conflicted....I was happy that I touched it but sad because she didn't seem to like it and surprised that I had the courage to do it and disturbed over what I had done.
This was a very strange time for me because I didn't understand myself or what my body was going through but I knew there was a strong desire for sexual encounters. But the eighth grade incident gave me pause as I began to feel more and more guilt. I started to research rape and sexual assault and I found there where 2 distinct characteristics which I focused on: Self-righteousness and consent. In my 2 cases, I felt justified in my own desire but I did not consider the consent of the other party. This would plague me in future relationships as I was never the initiator, even now. I tended to date women who wanted me instead of women I desired....the consent had to be strong or I dismissed it all together. This is something I can unpack at a later time but back to Brett Kavanaugh.
Do I think he did these things in high school? Yes. Do I think he denying it? Yes...I think he has too for the sake of the life he has built up for himself. Now here's the tricky one...Do I think it effect his Supreme Court nomination? Hmmm...that's a tough one...and I don't say this to be dismissive of his passed (How can you say you believe he raped someone but also think he can be a Supreme Court Justice) I hope you will allow me some rope to unpack this...
I remember the boy I was in grammar school and in high school and I am no where near that person now. I just have this memory of the incident in 8th grade and I would not want that to be my legacy or my identity. That being said, I didn't rape someone which is a violation that you can not come back from and I am not running for a judge in the highest court in the land nominated by a President with his own degree of misogynistic tendencies. It's kind of a recipe for disaster. But there is one issue I can not wrap my mind around. I do not believe Dr. Ford lying and that means by default that I think Mr. Kavanaugh is lying.....a judge....under oath....lying...to Congress....that seems even more unbelievable....but like I said earlier, he has a lot more to lose...or maybe he doesn't want his mistake to define him. But that brings me to the question that I have been tossing around and motivated me to write this.....
What if he had said he did it and regretted it because he was young and stupid at the time?
What do you think would happen if he owned it? I ask this because I can related to some stupid, teenage mistake I wish wasn't a part of my story. But that's not how this works especially for someone wanting to be a judge, you have to be beyond reproach...right? But Trump is President and well, if his stuff is OK, why can't Brett get a little grace? I'm not making light of this, I am just bringing reality to a form that embodies the current state of the political and social landscape. I could see him owning it, apologizing for it, and still get nominated...I could really see that happening but this feels more like deception...so I think he's doomed.
So when I was in 5th grade, I kissed a girl...now she didn't want to be kissed by me and she wasn't even aware that I wanted to kiss her. I was so infatuated with this girl that one day after school, I was walking with her and when I saw my opening, I kissed her on the cheek and ran. It was innocent enough in 5th grade but it would not be the end of my "growth". In 8th grade, there was an incident when a girl wore what I thought was a very nice dress to school and we were friends....well friendly...so when I saw my opening, I touched her behind. She moved away from my hand quickly and I remember feeling so conflicted....I was happy that I touched it but sad because she didn't seem to like it and surprised that I had the courage to do it and disturbed over what I had done.
This was a very strange time for me because I didn't understand myself or what my body was going through but I knew there was a strong desire for sexual encounters. But the eighth grade incident gave me pause as I began to feel more and more guilt. I started to research rape and sexual assault and I found there where 2 distinct characteristics which I focused on: Self-righteousness and consent. In my 2 cases, I felt justified in my own desire but I did not consider the consent of the other party. This would plague me in future relationships as I was never the initiator, even now. I tended to date women who wanted me instead of women I desired....the consent had to be strong or I dismissed it all together. This is something I can unpack at a later time but back to Brett Kavanaugh.
Do I think he did these things in high school? Yes. Do I think he denying it? Yes...I think he has too for the sake of the life he has built up for himself. Now here's the tricky one...Do I think it effect his Supreme Court nomination? Hmmm...that's a tough one...and I don't say this to be dismissive of his passed (How can you say you believe he raped someone but also think he can be a Supreme Court Justice) I hope you will allow me some rope to unpack this...
I remember the boy I was in grammar school and in high school and I am no where near that person now. I just have this memory of the incident in 8th grade and I would not want that to be my legacy or my identity. That being said, I didn't rape someone which is a violation that you can not come back from and I am not running for a judge in the highest court in the land nominated by a President with his own degree of misogynistic tendencies. It's kind of a recipe for disaster. But there is one issue I can not wrap my mind around. I do not believe Dr. Ford lying and that means by default that I think Mr. Kavanaugh is lying.....a judge....under oath....lying...to Congress....that seems even more unbelievable....but like I said earlier, he has a lot more to lose...or maybe he doesn't want his mistake to define him. But that brings me to the question that I have been tossing around and motivated me to write this.....
What if he had said he did it and regretted it because he was young and stupid at the time?
What do you think would happen if he owned it? I ask this because I can related to some stupid, teenage mistake I wish wasn't a part of my story. But that's not how this works especially for someone wanting to be a judge, you have to be beyond reproach...right? But Trump is President and well, if his stuff is OK, why can't Brett get a little grace? I'm not making light of this, I am just bringing reality to a form that embodies the current state of the political and social landscape. I could see him owning it, apologizing for it, and still get nominated...I could really see that happening but this feels more like deception...so I think he's doomed.
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